This Fanfic Is About
by Eriyu
Summary: "This fanfic is about the cast of Kingdom Hearts comparing notes with the cast of Narnia. Faye Valentine interferes as part of a larger agenda." Such was my writing prompt. Welcome to the result.


_This fanfic is about the cast of Kingdom Hearts comparing notes with the cast of Narnia. Faye Valentine (Cowboy Bebop) interferes as part of a larger agenda._

* * *

"To the town of ETERNAL CHRISTMAS!" shouted Mr. Tumnus, striking a pose. He did not usually speak in all caps, but people sometimes do crazy things after a century of freezing their hoofs off with no presents to show for it.

"Are you quite sure we shouldn't be back defeating the White Witch instead, Mr. Tumnus?" Lucy's big blue eyes metaphorically reflected the despairing faces of the millions of Narnians they were all abandoning to the White Witch's fury because really, this way a much easier way to get Christmas back. For them, anyway.

"Shut up Lucy; you just want all the Turkish Delight for yourself!" Edmund kicked whatever was closest because he was so terribly afraid that nobody would realize that he was in a bad mood if he didn't act violent.

"Owwwww!" said Sora, who was whatever was closest.

"Who are you people again?" Riku looked back from his position piloting the Gummi ship because Sora wasn't allowed anymore. He forgot to keep both eyes on where he was going because it wasn't technically a road, and his mother had never told him to keep both eyes on the vacuum of space.

"We are the kings and queens of Narnia!" came a tremendous roar. Mr. Tumnus then felt very bad because his pose-striking abilities paled in comparison to Peter's.

"Hush, Peter! That only comes after the whole mess with the White Witch!" Susan said crossly. She was very finicky about not letting the readers know that there wasn't really a fourth wall after all. "Now be quiet before they get suspicious!" Little did she know that her efforts were all in vain.

"Your efforts are all in vain! KINGDOM HEARTSSSSSSSSS!" Xemnas expelled, his eyes rolling back in his head as he raised his arm in a futile attempt to point to Kingdom Hearts, which wasn't there at all.

Riku narrowly avoided hitting a meteor.

"Mr. Tumnus isn't a king!" Edmund reminded everyone, mostly unnecessarily because everyone knows that fauns make pretty bad kings, not to be racist. The drunken orgies sometimes get in the way of policy-making and other kingly things.

"I'm not a king either," Sora lamented, utterly despondent, "but Kairi's a princess!" Kairi nodded because it was true.

Sora felt better now.

"Aren't you going to introduce me?" Xemnas whined. As a main villain, he was used to lots of gasping and glaring whenever he entered a scene. He normally got kind of sad that nobody was ever happy to see him, but he also didn't adapt well to change. Then he remembered that he didn't have a heart, and he wasn't upset anymore.

"None of us has been introduced!" Riku threw up his hands, which he'd eaten that morning. "The narrator's doing a horrible job here. For all anybody knows, there are more characters sitting around the ship that just haven't done anything interesting yet."

"Are we going to get to Christmas Town very soon?" said Lucy, who still wasn't thinking about anything else because she was like eight and it was _Christmas_, gosh.

"No, we haven't compared notes enough yet," said Riku while actually just driving around in circles so as to give the author enough time to actually get around to the prompt.

Susan gave up on the whole fourth wall thing.

"But we haven't any notes!" Edmund said crossly, because British people do things crossly instead of angrily.

"Shall we write some up quickly?" Susan suggested.

"No, that's boring," Edmund grumbled, and he yawned to emphasize how boring it sounded.

"I drew a picture of Aslan!" Lucy said with a :D. She grabbed a piece of paper from hammerspace and handed it to Susan, because Edmund and Peter didn't appreciate true art. "I used the crayons that smell like sunshine and new sneakers," she said proudly.

Kairi looked over Susan's shoulder and lit up. "Oh, I love bunnies!" she exclaimed, and she didn't have any idea why Lucy burst into tears until Peter whispered to her that it was a lion. "Oh, I love lions!" she exclaimed, and Lucy wiped her tears on Xemnas's coat, who had, since the writing of notes had been mentioned, been somewhat preoccupied wondering whether boredom counted as an emotion.

"I was a lion once," Sora reminisced fondly as nobody believed him.

"I was a beaver once," Mr. Beaver reminisced fondly as everyone commented on how lovely his coat looked that day.

"I was an Ansem once," Riku reminisced less fondly, "but the power of love turned me back. Or something like that; I've never really been sure."

"I was an Ansem once," Xemnas reminisced, except that they were both kind of lying, because they had actually been Xehanorts.

"I'm a girl!" Lucy said, and the others found it kind of suspicious that she felt the need to state that, but they hadn't been there when Mr. Tumnus had had to make sure, so they were taking it out of context, which is a dangerous thing to do.

"Riku, thrust!" Sora screamed.

Riku added more thrust, and the Gummi ship accelerated right into the path of some pointy red ship. As it smashed into them and sent everybody too stupid to use a seatbelt sprawling on the floor, he remembered why Sora wasn't driving.

Everyone who _had_ been wearing a seatbelt went over to inspect the giant spike sticking into their hull when all of a sudden there was a Spike in their hull. "Uh, hey," Spike said.

Sora got up to join everyone else.

"So, uh…" Spike forgot what he was doing there. An awkward silence followed.

"Oh, move it!" Faye backflipped into the Gummi ship from the Bebop through some strange turn of the time-space continuum and pushed Spike onto the floor, disgusted with his short-term memory. She turned to the Kingdom Hearts and Narnia characters and glared. "Listen, you guys got any smokes?"

After another awkward silence, Riku spoke up. "Uh, we're all Disney here. Not even Cid got to keep his cigarette. Sorry, dudes; we're all E10+ and PG. You should've seen everyone in Port Royal when they were told the no alcohol policy."

Faye looked like Christmas was just cancelled, which was ironic. All her carefully-laid plans, now gone to pot (which wasn't allowed either). She crumpled to the floor, all her dreams crushed like crushed ice.

"That was your plan?" Spike deadpanned. Ashamed at her terrible planning, he disappeared only slightly less suddenly than he'd appeared and dislodged his ship from the dashboard, leaving his dejected crewmate behind.

TO HER DOOM.

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"


End file.
